Studiosity feedback, very grateful, but not surprising..

The make take was my informal approach to writing, I'll have to work on this a lot more fr coming assignments, but felt for this assignment, I felt i could get away with it.

Feel free to read the full comments below:

General

Hi there.

Thank you for submitting your work to Studiosity. I have read your task for you, and I have looked at the structure, choice of language, referencing and the spelling and grammar. It looks like you're almost there with your work.

You seem to have structured your work in an appropriate manner. However, you may benefit from reviewing your choice of language at times. I will go into more detail in regards to this for you.

Please use any feedback that I provide as a tool to use as you read through your work.

Structure

Your work appears to have bee structured in an appropriate manner. You have used headings and paragraphs to separate your areas of discussion. You may however benefit from reviewing your paragraph structure at times.

Generally, in order to form a complete paragraph, more than one sentence is required. A full paragraph must include a topic sentence, elaborating details, examples, and analysis, and a concluding/transition sentence at the end. Thus, a single sentence cannot constitute a complete paragraph. When you find yourself with a single-sentence paragraph, try either integrating it into a surrounding paragraph where you are discussing similar topics, or add more information to it to form a complete paragraph of its own.

Ensure that the topic sentence in each of your body paragraphs makes a clear point (or outlines a clear topic). The first sentence in each body paragraph should give the reader an idea of what is to come next. It should be focused, as it will be developed further in the sentences that come after it. You should stick to one topic per paragraph.

Choice of language

You seem to have utilised a range of vocabulary in your writing. There may however be times when you have used words that are incorrect for the context of your discussion. This can affect the clarity of your writing.

To improve the clarity and quality of your writing, ensure that you are using the most appropriate words within each context. Incorrect word choice can significantly hinder the meaning for a reader.

Some people believe that good writing is characterised by highly complex language and sentences. In fact, this is not the case. It is better to use simple language and sentence structures to communicate ideas, being mindful that language must be appropriate for the context and audience. By using precise words and eliminating wordiness and redundancy (unnecessary repetition), your writing will be clear, concise and easy to understand. For example, 'The investment had some costly results' is much more concise than 'the investment had some bad results that cost the firm a lot of money'. To eliminate wordiness, try and substitute precise words for long phrases.

I can see that your task does not require a fully formal tone, however, there may be times when you could still benefit from reviewing the tone that you have used. To improve the overall quality of your writing, you will need to use more sophisticated/academic wording. For instance, rather than writing 'give' try using a word such as 'provided'. These simple changes can have a very positive impact upon the quality of your writing.

Academic texts are generally read as more formal without the use of contractions. For example, 'Communication strategies should not be ignored' is stronger than: 'Communication strategies shouldn't be ignored'. Be sure to keep your contraction usage minimal throughout your academic writing.

I have highlighted some examples for you in your writing.

Spelling / Grammar

You seem to have generally written your work in a grammatically consistent manner. There may however be times when you have missed words out of your sentences or made errors in regards to comma splices. I will explain this further for you below.

There are areas of your assignment that appear to be missing critical words or phrases. You may want to review your use of language in the areas highlighted so that you can add any language that is missing. This will help to clarify your meaning and make your sentence structure more grammatically correct for the future.

There seems to be some comma splice errors in your writing. This is an error caused by using a comma to connect two independent clauses which each could be their own separate sentences. In this case, a comma isn't strong enough to link the two clauses, which means you will have to use a semicolon, a coordinating conjunction, or a full stop between them. I have annotated some areas where this error occurs in your writing.

Referencing

You appear to have used references in your work to help you to provide some detailed explanations. I have highlighted some minor areas that you may wish to review.

Remember to use in-text citations to reference all of the sources that you used in your assignment, as well as including the source in your reference list. It's very important, so try to ask for help if you're stuck or unsure.

Please remember that due to the variations in referencing styles across the globe, the information provided by your institution may be slightly different to the referencing help we've provided here. Because of this, we recommend that you always refer back to your institution's referencing style guide. If there are any discrepancies, be sure to follow the instructions provided by your institution.

If you would like to submit another draft of your task please feel free to do so.

Good luck with your work :)